Let me begin by stating the following, I had begun my day like any other Sunday, slightly hungover from Saturday night, searching for food to squash the demon in my head causing a nauseating pounding like a jackhammer on the sidewalk. My roommate was up and around the house getting ready for work, at this time he was working 2-10 Sunday through Thursday. He apparently had killed his iPhone while on a friend's boat the day before. The phone was no longer charging, and this man is INCAPABLE of existing without his iPhone. He woke up first thing in the morning and had gone to Ft. Lauderdale to go to an Apple store with an "appointment." They inform him its water damage and he would need to pay $200 to get a new iPhone, using his warranty, and the $200 is a Co-Payment, so to speak. However, he's informed there are no phones in that store. He returns home and tells me what's going on. I said if you can find a store that has a phone, I will go by and pick it up for him. We find out through AT&T that the Dadeland Apple Store has an avilable 3Gs. My roommate leaves for work, gives me the money and I begin my trek through Customer Service Hell!
Upon arriving in the Apple Store, I laid eyes upon one of the best examples of Capitalist Carnage, EVER! The store on a Sunday at 1 PM in the middle of September, looked like something you'd see during the Holiday Season. Kids running around screaming, parents making zero effort to control them, and the store security guy looking at every woman, regardless of age, as if they were cuts of beef. The last point not withstanding, i knew this was going to be one hell of an experience. I walked up to the "Genius Bar" and said, "Sorry to bother you, I am here to pick up an iPhone." Mind you, I had the paperwork from the other store that said all i needed to do was give money and i receive an iPhone. The guy behind the counter says, "oh! That's Great!, go see our Concierge and Check-In." When the fuck did this become a hotel? Secondly, don't i need to grease the concierge to get good seats at the opera or symphony, what the fuck does he have to do with iPhones....
I replied, "Uhmmmm, where do i find this "concierge" he laughs and says, turn around, its the girl with the earpiece standing in front of the big screen apple. I turn around and it occurs to me that all the employees have ear pieces and mics as if they were special forces in the military. "Wonderful" was my reply, glad to see that Apple planned on invading the Mall just in time for X-Mas.
I walk up to the concierge, and i say "Hi i am here to pick up an iPhone." She replies "Okay lets check you in, what time was your appointment." First off i didn't have an appointment, because both apple support on the phone and AT&T informed us, that all we had to do was walk in and pick a phone up. "I dont have an appointment, I was instructed to-" Before i could complete that sentence, "I'm sorry without an appointment i can't give you and iPhone" I was trying to keep myself under control. This 17 year old overweight reject from urban outfitters was already starting to bother me. "I said okay let me see if I can explain this, I am -" Boom cut off again... "Sorry, sir, without an appointment i cannot sell you an iPhone." at this point I'm pissed, I replied curtly, "Do me a favor, let me finish my sentence before you cut me off. I am here because this phone in my hand," i held up my hand, "died, and i was instructed to come here and pick up a replacement phone for $200. I have the money and I just want the phone." She looked at me like i just told her that if you divide by zero, the answer is ostrich. She started stammering, trying to figure out a away to nicely tell me to leave, so i say "Do me a favor, and let me speak with a manager." At this point she sighed and said "Wait here." My only thought was, what happened to the word "Please."
The manager arrives, and has already started his dissertation on policy and procedures concerning iPhone purchases. I held my hand up, "I came here at the instruction of your company and AT&T, now if you don't want to take my money for something that I WANT TO BUY, then fine, i'll leave and never buy another Apple product and talk shit to corporate about how this store sucks. Or you can hear me out and tell me if I am wrong." The manager said "Go ahead" So i begin calmly, "Okay, i have this iPhone that is not charging and wont turn on, i went to the only Apple store in the tri-county area that had an appointment, they informed me i could BUY A PHONE(now in this free market economy, we call that business), they told me because the water damage to the phone i was not eligible for a replacement, that i had to pay $200 for the new phone. I agreed. They then informed me they didn't have any new phones and that this paper in my hand here would entitle me to an Apple 3Gs at any Apple store NATIONWIDE. So can you please for the love of everything holy, please explain why you and your employees are making it hard for me to give you my money." The manager said, "well sir the phones we have in stock are for the people who have appointments." i said "That's fine and dandy, but AT&T knows you have 2 extra's based on your appointment schedule of being booked solid, so someone is lying" The manager at this point looked like i spit in his over-gelled hair, "How do they know what we have?" I said, "Looks like someone allowed them into your inventory system so they can send people over here in an effort to help apple sell more iPhones. I think that's sound business practice considering their exclusivity contract with apple." So the manager walks over to the concierge and says, "Add him to the stand-by list to see a tech" After 30 more minutes, my name was finally called, i handed over the old phone, the paperwork and sat down, they guy was like, how'd this happen, i said i was on a boat yesterday while it was raining, i didnt think any water got in it but whatever, he's like, "Okay, i'm going to start activating it, go over and pay for it, so that way when you are done, i'm done and you can get out of here." WOW there is a smart man, they actually hired someone smart. Hurray for apple, but alas i was not free from the clutches of stupidity just yet. I am standing in line, and when i reach the cashier, she says can i have your invoice, i said sure here you go, she asks where is the phone, i said "the technician named, Danny, the smart one, is activating it while i pay for it." She then says, oh no i Can't let you pay until you've received the phone." I then threw my hands up in disgust and said "Can you go talk to him please, he's the only smart person in the place!" Retardo walked over to the tech and he was like Yes, let him pay so i'm done and he's done and he can go home."
You would think that at this point its over right.... WRONG! Retardo goes to talk to the manager from earlier to make sure its okay to let me give her money.... SOMEHOW THIS ISNT MAKING MUCH SENSE!!! but after another 10 mins i finally was able to get the phone and give them money for said purchase. Why was this excercise so fucking difficult....
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