An exerpt from my Saturday night.

1:41 So as I sit here with friends at gatsbys, I am people watching the group of four next to me. A guy sitting next to a girl in yellow sitting across from another guy. Next to the douche across from her, is her best friend who is hitting on said douche. Meanwhile, the yellow top girl is getting hit on by the guy next to her, but she isn't paying attention to him. She is too busy playing footsie with douche across from her. Now I sit here and laugh because does her friend know she is playing footsie? It looks like her friend is really into this guy, isn't she just being a heartless bitch by trying to take this guy?
1:46 Now I just witnessed the yellow top feed the douche ice. What's funnier is the guy next to her is undetered he is still trying. My hat goes off to this guy for his determination. As well as to the girl for her complete and utter whore ability to keep him interested while hitting on the guy across from her. The body language is clear enough that any sane man would figure out that she isn't interested and yet he is blinded by the "I'm getting laid" mentality.
1:51 yellow top just kissed Mr. Determination. While tapping her foot at the guy in front of her. Could this be a prelude to some debaucherous type of incident that the average man has only seen in Internet porn? She may just be trying to be turned into an Eifel tower? She is around 21 years old and not at all unattractive, I'd definitely have to kick her out of bed for eat chcken wings without napkins though.
2:01 Mr. Determination just started playing air drums in an attempt to impress yellow top. I'll pause so you can insert the your own douchebag comment.... He now has his arm around her while her leg is reaching out for the guy in front of her. While sitting there, her arm is reaching out on the table trying to reach out for him. Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer just came on the speakers, Mr. Determination squeezed her close and she winced the sort of wince you see from a three year old being force fed asparagus.
2:08 the couple across from her left the table for God knows what reason, and she started making out with Mr. Determination... This girl has totally confused me in about 1.3 seconds....
2:10 the other couple came back and the make-out session completely stopped! The douche across from her looks like he got fired from american eagle outfitters, the guy next to her looks like a reject from pit bull's posse.....
2:12 The douche just started playing with her foot.... This is fucking hilarious!!!!! He's massaging her calf, while the other is determined to get laid!!!! Now, she can't stop rubbing her foot on his leg, but his friend doesn't stop. I've thought about how maybe they might be good friends, but the googley eyes she gives him tell me so much more! Meanwhile, I've informed my group of the situation and evertime something happens we all start cracking up. If the chick in yellow wasn't so ditsy, maybe she'd pickup on the fact that we all see through her cunty ways!
2:16 douche just asked me for a cigarette. Him and yellow top just started sharing it, so me being the nice guy, and let's face it, hoping to keep them around for further entertainment, said sure. Immediately, they start playing footsy and are "having a moment." Mr. Determination wants to interupt it as soon as possible, so he takes her cigarette and takes a drag, trying to stake claim to more than just her. Instantly they are playing with the cigarettes in the ashtray, having the tips touch as if the cigarettes were kissing. Excuse me while I pick myself off the floor from the hysteria that this is causing me.
2:22 footsy continues. The girl next to the douche has given up. All forward advancement has ceased, and I believe she may be checking out my friend Ed. Mr. Determination just walked away and the footsie intensity has increased. Now he's rubbing her hand. I really hope one of these poor schleps gets laid. She just called the other one into the bathroom, something tells me they will come back and switch seats lol!
2:26 the guys just talked it over and Mr. Determination called out his boy. I think it's been cleared up. They came back from the bathroom and took their original seats, interesting, possible orgy? I think my head hurts from figuring this out! I will walk away before my head just combusts.
EPILOGUE:
After spending a wonderful 2 hours with a friend from Boston who I barely get to see, I leave and begin the trek home with my comrade in arms, Ed. We've been discussing the incidents of the evening and apparently at one point the girls cleared the confusion up with hand signals, man I wish I would have caught that! At the end of us being at the table next to them, I couldn't help but crack up, throwing every possible footsie reference I could. Eventually, they left and my outside entertainment was gone. I do have to say, this emphasizes why I write this!! I can't believe such mayhem would ensue from a simple gathering. Although I admit, it provided plenty of entertainment for me and my friends! Now I can't help but wonder, if this is the future of this town? Do the generation after us really have their heads this far up their ass? I pray this was just a bad representation of the generation to follow....